


Inside Every Heartbeat

by deluxekyluxtrashcan (rhoen)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Era, Feels, Fluff and Angst, I think?, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Love, Or An Attempt At..., Sexual Content, Soft Kylux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-08 11:33:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7756180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhoen/pseuds/deluxekyluxtrashcan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Just ask it of me.”</p><p>“Why?"</p><p>“Can you not guess?”</p><p>-</p><p>No matter how certain they are of themselves, there's always doubt as to how another may feel towards them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inside Every Heartbeat

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nayanroo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nayanroo/gifts).



> This was written for teslatricity's birthday - I really hope you enjoy it! I am so sorry for it being a day late, and also for the fact I've not had a chance to read over for errors. Please accept my apologies, and also this attempt at soft kylux, such as it is.
> 
> Hope you had a wonderful day, and here's to an incredible weekend <3
> 
> Title from [Inside by Bang Gang ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkT7MYMjj9g), which I suddenly had the urge to listen to while writing this.
> 
> > **Do not translate or repost this fic without my permission.**. Ask if you'd like to translate it. Linking to it with a short snipped it okay though!

“Hux?”

Hux murmurs in question, his fingers still working over Kylo’s scalp, massaging the shampoo in. They’re turned so that the spray hits Hux’s back, saving him from the chill he always feels when his skin is damp. Kylo, on the other hand, could be on Hoth and still feel warm if he had Hux’s attention on him like this. He’s loath to lose it.

“Shouldn’t you be somewhere?”

Hux pulls a face, slowing in his actions for a moment before shrugging and continuing.

“It can wait ten more minutes.”

Kylo chuckles, warm and low, his arms coming up to encircle a slender waist as he steps forward, pressing against Hux and allowing water to cascade over his head. This method of cleaning is an indulgence, and if he could Kylo would be happy to stay here for hours, wrapped around Hux’s inviting frame and being held in return. They don’t have much time, though. Kylo supposes ten minutes will have to be enough.

“I don’t want to make you late,” he murmurs, one hand coming up to help dislodge the soap while the other resolutely holds Hux to him. Hux helping him shower feels more cleansing than any sonic ever could -- far more intimate too -- and Kylo wishes they weren’t constrained by time and duty.

Hux’s fingers swipe a determined path across Kylo’s brow, brushing away soap that threatens his eyes. “It’s no lie to say I was detained by important business.”

Kylo grins, leaning in even closer. “‘Important business’ am I?” he asks against soft, damp lips. He feels Hux smile as they kiss, standing for several moments with the water washing over both of them until they draw apart to breathe. Kylo laughs at himself as he’s forced to push away the water that’s running down his face, his hair now plastered against his forehead and poking at his eyes. Hux’s hair is, of course, barely disarrayed and needs no urgent correction, although Kylo reaches out to touch the dark copper anyway, marvelling at the change in colour simply from the application of water.

“Important enough,” Hux eventually answers. He plays with Kylo’s hair, pushing the wet strands back from Kylo’s face and attempting to tuck them behind his ears, an odd look on his face. His gaze is fixed on Kylo’s cheek, and Kylo feels himself flushing at the attention, his heart beating faster; louder. He could so easily reach out, touching Hux’s mind to determine his thoughts, but he won’t. It’s not even the respect for Hux’s boundaries he’s developed that holds him back -- it’s the fear that he won’t find the words he longs to hear in Hux’s mind, or that he’ll ruin the beauty of them should Hux ever say them out loud. And stars does he desperately want Hux to say them.

“Hux, I--”

Kylo falls silent again, realising he has no idea what he would even say. Hux’s attention shifts, his gaze rising to meet Kylo’s.

“Come to me tonight?”

Kylo nods, wrapping both arms around Hux again and sealing his agreement with a kiss.

“Of course.”

-

Kylo is roused from his sleep by something nudging at his mind, causing him to stir and then sit bolt upright until he works out what it is. He relaxes with a sigh, smiling to himself when he realises that Hux has at last finished his shift and is returning to his quarters. He’d fallen asleep while still searching for the General’s approach, his mind still focused on the task even while he slept.

It doesn’t take long to pull on a layer of clothing and leave his own rooms. Hux’s quarters are adjacent to Kylo’s, but he doesn’t enter immediately, first considering how to do so: it’s late -- well into the sleep cycle -- and almost the entire _Finalizer_ is quiet. Using the comm to announce his presence seems a bit much, especially as Hux requested his presence.

When Kylo reaches out, trying to sense Hux’s mood and work out how to proceed, he decides to forgo announcing his presence. He can sense that Hux is tired and stressed, and something about his temperament leaves Kylo desperate to go to his side. The doors part at his behest, and Kylo quickly makes his way into Hux’s quarters.

He finds Hux pacing, a hand running wearily through his hair and upsetting it. He doesn’t even seem to notice.

“Hux?”

Kylo calls out gently, but Hux still jumps. He turns abruptly, startled, and then visibly relaxes when he sees who it is.

“You came.”

His voice is hoarse, from either weariness or overuse -- perhaps even both. Kylo smiles as he moves closer, already reaching out to embrace the other man.

“You commanded it of me,” he says warmly, wrapping his arms around Hux and burying his face against his neck. He pulls back abruptly, though, when he realises that Hux has stiffened at his words. Quickly understanding his mistake, Kylo caresses Hux’s cheek with the back of his fingers before cupping Hux’s face and gazing at him, his thumb still stroking soft skin.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

He feels Hux relaxing, giving in and following the gentle encouragement. A mere suggestion is all it takes before Hux is tilting his jaw, allowing Kylo to lean in kiss him lightly, Kylo’s own body suddenly loose-limbed and sated as he melts against the other man. Soft breaths gust across his cheek, Hux’s hands coming to rest at Kylo’s waist and push into his hair, the supple leather of the gloves creaking softly as his grip tightens.

Kylo breaks the kiss gently, nudging affectionately at Hux’s cheek with his nose.

“Tell me what you need.”

Hux gives a weak laugh, his hands coming to both push and pull at the front of the top Kylo wears, as if he can’t decide what he wants. Kylo weathers it, waiting for Hux to find the right words. Or word. It’s obviously wishful thinking on his part, but Kylo imagines he can hear the one word he yearns for Hux to utter hanging heavily in the space between them.

“To rest,” Hux eventually decides, his gaze slipping tellingly to the side, whatever he wanted to admit going unspoken. “Are you sure about this?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Hux is far too tired to hold back the sense of disbelief, and also fear, that momentarily clouds his mind as he considers Kylo’s question.

“Oh.”

The insecurity is nothing new, but is usually held tightly in check, buried under layers of rational thinking and repeated mantras. After all, in Hux’s mind, he does his job and is respected for it. He is useful. He tells himself that he’s content with that, and his position in life, and that he doesn’t need anything deeper which would require anyone looking closer and seeing him for the flawed, vulnerable being he is.

Kylo feels his heart tighten as he understands how vulnerable Hux feels in this moment, and he tampers down the urge to fling his arms around the other man and inundated him with all the thoughts and feelings coursing through him. Instead, he speaks, finding his voice cracking with tenderness.

“Ask me what I want,” he begs, barely waiting a moment before imploring Hux again: “ask me.”

Hux swallows with difficulty, seeming both fearful and hopeful as he does as bid. “What do you want?”

Kylo smiles in relief, his hand stroking Hux’s cheek again as he speaks. “You.” It’s a simple, easy answer, and probably the most honest Kylo has ever spoken. “Your happiness, your contentment. I will stay, I will go -- whatever you want of me.”

He leans in, kissing and then nuzzling Hux’s cheek, eyes almost closed. “Just ask it of me.”

A hesitant hand comes to rest on Kylo’s crown, Hux trembling slightly as Kylo’s lips move towards Hux’s mouth.

“Why?”

“Can you not guess?”

Kylo feels his own body shiver as his gaze flickers to Hux’s. The other man looks uncertain: afraid to make the leap Kylo desperately wants them both to take.

“No.”

The word is barely a whisper, somewhere between the truth and a lie. Kylo lets it go, instead kissing lips that eagerly part to accommodate his touch and holding Hux to him as tightly as he can, hands splayed out and roving over perfectly tailored clothing and pushing into wonderfully soft hair. He feels Hux clinging to him in return, and as the kiss deepens Kylo moans at the warm rush of contentment and affection that floods him.

“Come to bed,” he pleads, breaking away for the barest of moments to make his request. Several moments later, Hux pulls away, fails to form words, kisses him again, and then pulls away once more.

“Let me go to the refresher first.”

Kylo nods, giving him a parting kiss before slowly disengaging from the other man. “Okay.”

He notes with sadness that there is still uncertainty lingering on Hux’s mind as he goes, the emotion too prominent to miss. Unable to do anything about it as Hux disappears into the ‘fresher, Kylo goes through to the bedroom, crossing to the bed and sitting down. He kicks off his boots as he looks around, noting the usual neatness of the room, before drawing his knees up and hugging them to his chest as he waits. It feels like an age, but just a few minutes later Hux returns, his hair combed free of styling product and bare fingers working to unfasten the high collar of his jacket. Kylo immediately gets up, moving forward and offering a small smile.

“Can I…?”

Hux’s hands fall away and he nods, allowing Kylo to help undress him. Kylo takes over, carefully leaning in and seeing if Hux will kiss him, giving a startled, happy noise when Hux gladly meets him halfway. The touch is hesitant and light at first, but something akin to desperation starts to emerge, Hux raising a hand to grasp at Kylo’s bicep as Kylo works to undress him.  
  
Familiar with the clasps and fastenings of Hux’s clothing, Kylo peels away the layers with ease. Hux’s jacket and shirt fall to the floor, and the thin undershirt about to join them when Hux’s demeanour changes. He suddenly tugs at Kylo, shifting from passive to what Kylo longs to think of as possessive, his kiss becoming rougher and his surprisingly strong arms wrapping around Kylo and tugging at the loose shirt he wears.

“Hux…” Kylo murmurs, gently biting at Hux’s lower lip once they’ve tugged their shirts off, making the other man whimper. Kylo kisses him again, unable to understand the strange play of emotions but content to weather them. Hux starts moving, turning and stepping backwards towards the bed, his hands at the waistband of Kylo’s pants.

“Make--” Hux stops short, choking back his words. “Lie with me?”

Kylo can’t answer beyond a groan, pulling Hux tightly to him and carefully lowering them both to the bed, his thoughts scattered. He feels breathless, his chest too tight and fingers too inept as he tries to remove the last of Hux’s clothes. He has to pull away from the kiss to manage, twisting to reach down and tug off the regulation boots Hux still wears too. The moment they’re discarded Kylo kicks off his own pants too, and then settles between Hux’s legs, kissing the inside of his knee. It wins him a gasp, slender fingers coming to tangle in his hair as he steadily works his way upwards, towards his goal. Hux pants and moans above him, unable to completely stifle his vocal responses, and Kylo smiles to himself, sucking and twirling his tongue at the same time to draw a loud cry from the man shivering and gasping beneath him.

A bottle is soon pressed against his hand, indicating what Hux wants. Kylo obliges, relinquishing Hux with one last affectionate swipe of his tongue from base to tip before he shifts upwards, kissing a ticklish stomach that flutters beneath his lips and nipping at sensitive nipples as he moves. Hux’s neck is bare, and Kylo focuses on nuzzling and kissing it as he works the bottle open with one hand and then moves his fingers lower.

“More,” Hux urges as Kylo presses into him, Hux’s fingers pressing bluntly into Kylo’s shoulder and waist. He’s completely flushed and breathless already, squirming and trying to bear down to on what little Kylo has given him so far. When a second finger is added, Hux tilts his head back, eyelids fluttering closed and a low moan escaping him.

As he adds a third, Kylo hesitates, nervous at the prospect of disrupting the comfortable space they’ve found.

“Hux?”

Hux opens his eyes, looking up at Kylo and immediately reaching for him, pulling him down for a kiss.

“Yes?” he asks as he releases him. The earlier trepidation has all but disappeared, and Kylo swallows thickly, unsure if he’s doing the right thing. He shifts his fingers, making Hux curl in pleasure before speaking again.

“Will you tell me what you need?”

Hux, still recovering from the way Kylo teased him, looks up, open-mouthed, and for a terrifying moment Kylo is sure that he’s ruined everything. It’s all going to fall apart, and Hux is going to shrink back in on himself, no longer relaxed and enjoying sharing his bed with Kylo.

Steeled for the worst, Kylo is surprised when the flicker of resistance he sensed building suddenly vanishes, Hux’s expression filling with a longing Kylo never thought he would admit.

“You.”

The answer he’s always longed to hear makes Kylo’s heart ache, his whole body reacting with a mixture of relief and unparalleled elation. He can’t hold back what he can only describe as a sob, and he hides it as best he can by kissing Hux, trying to pour everything he feels into the action.

He’s gently pushed away, and watches as Hux bites his own lip, trying to hold back a moan as Kylo curls his fingers again. His hand is pushed away too, and he withdraws, waiting for Hux to indicate what his next move should be.

He forgets everything else when Hux looks up at him with a clear, warm gaze and a gentle, soft-spoken plea that causes his heart to still for a moment.

“Make love to me?”

Kylo’s whole body aches. He groans, collapsing on Hux, and buries his face against the other man’s neck, kissing him over and over before slowly moving up over his jaw and to his mouth, mumbling between kisses. “Yes. Oh stars, Hux, yes. I will, I will, I will. Yes, oh gods..”

He’s not even laughed at for his earnestness. Hux holds him, tugging gently at his hair and kissing eagerly back. One hand finds the bottle again and presses it back into Kylo’s grasp, making it abundantly clear that Hux wants him to hurry up. Kylo can’t imagine disagreeing.

The cool liquid is unfairly wonderful against his heated skin, but nothing can compare to the feeling of Hux around him, tight warm; welcoming as Kylo sinks into him. Hux can’t stop grasping and pawing at Kylo as he’s slowly filled, his mind seeming completely fractured by what should be a simple act; something they’ve done numerous times before. It’s different now, though. The vulnerability in both the request and the agreement to fulfill it has exposed a longing they’ve both felt but had never dared voice. Lately, Kylo has always approached his time with Hux as primarily a matter of the heart, but that always went unspoken. He’d hope but never dare to ask if Hux felt the same. Now, though…

“Can you guess now? Why I would want you?”

Hux gasps and shivers as Kylo pushes in to the hilt, rocking his hips gently. The fingers at Kylo’s shoulders bite in dully before releasing as Hux recovers for a moment.

“Tell me.”

The lack of questioning inflection tells Kylo that Hux already knows. He likes to think Hux always knew, and that it was only his own self-doubts that prevented him from believing it.

Kylo rocks his hips again, arms pushing beneath Hux until he’s embracing him.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmurs, kissing Hux. “You’re smart.” Another roll of his hips, and at just the right angle to make Hux tense and shudder with pleasure. “You’re loyal, dedicated, indomitable, peerless…” Kylo draws an arm back so that he can play with Hux’s hair, marvelling at the way the man positively melts at the praise and affirmation. When he looks up at Kylo, expression clouding with pleasure for a moment as Kylo rocks into him again, he seems to be asking -- begging -- for Kylo to finish his train of thought.

“And,” Kylo pants, the effort of maintaining a slow pace while so overcome with everything he’s feeling.

“And?”

Hux touches his face gently, allaying the suddenly fear that his words should remain unspoken.

“And I love you.”

Hux hiccups, suddenly both laughing and seemingly crying. He tugs Kylo down, his arms locked fiercely around him and trapping them together, the sound of his choked breathing warming Kylo, who feels Hux’s entire body shuddering with relief and what he hopes is happiness.

“Kylo,” Hux murmurs, sounding choked with a whole host of emotions Kylo could probably read if his own weren’t so consuming. Hux gives another burst of laughter, clinging to Kylo even tighter and burying his face in Kylo’s neck. “I love you too.”

Those four simple world pitch Kylo into a state of mind he’d never know it possible to achieve, and he finds himself longing to smile and shout out his happiness, yet unable to do so under the weight of relief that robs him of all but the energy to keep rocking into Hux, becoming part of him. His fingers tremble as they trace Hux’s cheek, and when he pulls back and gazes down, he finds his breath catching in his throat. It makes no sense that knowing his feeling are returned would change anything about how he views the world, but suddenly everything is so much brighter, so much more beautiful.

He can barely take it.

He’s aware of a tear falling as he screws his eyes shut, kissing Hux to try and disguise how overwhelmed he feels. He brushes it quickly away, dampness smearing over Hux’s cheek, and trembles at his own weakness when faced with such emotions. He doesn’t feel like he can contain them.

Breaking away to gasp for air, Kylo looks down at the unbelievably perfect man gazing up at him with such a look of love and contentment it makes it even harder for Kylo to find himself.

“Kylo,” Hux murmurs, reaching up to touch his cheek. Kylo turns into the contact, humming. His heart is beating too fast, and he can’t remember how to calm it. “Kylo…”

Hux seems to just enjoy saying his name, and Kylo is more than happy to hear it. He smiles, nuzzling Hux’s palm as he shifts his hips, testing the movement. Hux gives a cry of pleasure, tightening around him, and Kylo kisses his hand lightly, settling into a steady rhythm. He tucks himself against Hux, whose legs come up to wrap around his waist, and gently kisses him, tasting the soft sighs and swallowing the mewls of pleasure he makes. Kylo doesn’t feel big enough to contain what he’s experiencing, everything overwhelming him and leaving him feeling like he’s about to break open with the enormity of it. He finds himself clinging to Hux, anchoring himself with the comforting presence of the one person in the whole galaxy who he believes is right for him -- who could ever be right for him. In Hux’s arms, and with Hux in his, Kylo feels both astonishingly vulnerable and endlessly powerful, and almost irrevocably entwined with another being. The notion isn’t even frightening, simply reassuring, and he somehow knows Hux feels the same.

“Not going to last long,” Hux eventually warns him, deliberately tensing and making Kylo falter. Kylo gasps, thrusting more sharply than he intended to and causing Hux to cry out again.

“Like this?” he asks.

Hux nods. “I want to see you.”

Kylo responds with a kiss, glad to finally be able to push his hand between their bodies to help urge Hux to completion. He knows that he won’t be far behind, and as he wraps around Hux and gives him the extra friction needed, he can already feel the familiar way Hux tenses beneath him, breathing quickening and catching in his breath. He wants it like this too, so he can watch every moment.

Hux’s release takes Kylo by surprise, despite the fact he knew it was about to happen. He suddenly can’t cope with the way Hux clings to him, going completely still and then shivering. His lips are parted, head thrown back and hair played out over the pillow in a rich halo, and he cries out as warmth spills between them, the sound unmistakably Kylo’s name.

“Fuck,” Kylo hisses, blinded by the force of his feeling. “Hux, I’m… I love y--”

The world fractures as his own orgasm tears through him, leaving him blinded for a moment and shaking strongly when he starts coming back to himself. Beneath him, Hux is panting hard and trembling almost as much, his skin damp with sweat and his own seed. Disregarding the mess, Kylo falls helplessly forwards, half laughing and half groaning as he last shudders of pleasure ripple through him. Hux’s hand strokes idly at his damp hair, both of them silent as they struggle to catch their breath.

When they’ve managed somewhat, the first thing Kylo does is kiss Hux, trying to ignore the sensation of slipping from Hux’s body. He apologises with gentle touches, stroking down the length of Hux’s arm and lacing their fingers together.

“Shall I prepare the shower?” he offers. Hux shakes his head, gripping tightly.

“Stay here a minute.”

Happy to indulge him, Kylo shifts until he’s lying beside Hux, facing him. He realises when he gazes at Hux that they’re both smiling.

“I love you,” Kylo says again, testing how it sounds with the world slowly settling around him. It sounds right.

“I’m glad,” Hux replies, his expression slipping for a moment. “I had hoped, but I didn’t know… I…”

He had been afraid that he was the only one experiencing these feelings. Kylo understood that. He stroked his thumb over Hux’s fingers, also picking up on the fact that Hux couldn’t quite understand how anyone could come to love him specifically. Kylo made a mental note to show him at every opportunity.

“You know now,” Kylo says gently, his smile growing easily as he rolls forward to press against Hux, kissing him. “And I won’t let you forget it.”

Hux laughs, the sound bright and warm around them. “That sounds like it could be a threat.”

“It could be,” Kylo smirks, earning a playful swat at his hip for his trouble. He huffs, softening his tone. “It’s more a promise, though,” he says gently.

“Good. I’ll hold you to it.”

Feeling it to be the best response open to him, Kylo kisses Hux again.

“Oh, and Kylo?”

“Mm?” he asks, lost in the way Hux looks at him.

“I love you too.”


End file.
